Tuesday, July 17, 2007
You Say Coyote, I Say Coyote, Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off.Enchilada. I am wondering if Lou Dobbs eat Tortilla Soup with Avocado?. Eat Frijoles (Beans) Lou they are good for your Diet. Fat Free so you lose weight. And Lou Dobbs needs take advantage of the Executive Order 13166. Improving Access to Services for Persons with Limited English Proficiency.
Because of expected demonstrations by immigrants, Lou Dobbs has been on CNN everyday mewling away about Mexicans. It is clearly beginning to take a personal toll on the last remaining shreds of his sanity as the following interchange with Heidi Collins suggested:
COLLINS: Right. So what is illegal immigration doing to our Country, Lou?
DOBBS: Well, a couple of things it’s doing to our country. You talk about what does it do to us? I mean Ed Lavandera in that report referred to coyotes [pronounced “ky-oats”] as coyotes [pronounced “ky-oat-ehs”] in the Latino language, and then in the stand-up referred to coyotes [pronounced “ky-oats”].
According to Lou, the Undocumented immigrants have forced us to stop speaking American English and to say “ky-oat-eh” instead of “ky-oat.” And before the Mexicans started infiltrating our high-paying busboy jobs and landscaping our lawns, we used to dip our “tor-tih-lah” chips in “guacamohl” and then wash it down with a shot of “tuh-kwil-lah.”
And what is up with the “Latino” language business? Imagine the paroxysms of anger you’d get from Dobbs if somebody started talking about the “Anglo” language. The steam coming out his ears would melt his neck wattles.
Well they are some samples here:
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
English is very strange
Did you know that "verb" is a noun?
How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can't spell them?
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren't two houses hice?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
If you've read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn't this also mean that you would have to "member" somebody in order to remember them?
In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?
Is there another word for a synonym?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Where do swear words come from?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why do people use the word "irregardless"?
Why do some people type "cool" as "kewl?"
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do we say something's out of order when its broken but we never say in of order when it works?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why does the Chinese ideogram for trouble symbolize two women living under one roof?
Why does X stand for a kiss and O stand for a hug?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why don't we say "why" instead of "how come"?
Why is "crazy man" an insult, while to insert a comma and say "Crazy, man!" is a compliment?
Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?
Why is it that the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?
Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?